Number 1

1 Oscars Blues Halt! Who goes there?
It is I, Johnny, son of Billy-Goat, from the land of Salt. And this is my trusty wench Patti. We have driven the length and breadth of the Colorado in search of beer… Following the map we got in Nederland, we at last discerned our destiny…breweries…shortly that day we would stumble on the holy grail, but it wasn’t a stein, a pint or even weizen…nope, we found it in a frickin’ aluminum can--who knew a beer in a can could taste so good?
I got a pint of Dales Pale …almost India Ale, and Patti had them pour her a Gordon, a strong ale, somewhere between an Imperial Red and a Double IPA tipping the scales at almost 10%-hefty!

I’m almost glad Oskar Blues Grill and Brew is 7 hours 26 minutes and 516.41 miles away or I would be either broke or a flaming alcoholic! The place is next to the St. Vrain River, a Lyons favorite pastime for years has been to float through town, so it was a natural to can their brew so you could tube for a day of fun with a good beer.


The actual bar reflects another part of the beauty of this place as it’s made of local reddish quartzitic sandstone that I couldn’t take my hands off of!


We sat at the bar talkin’ to some locals as we devoured sweet tater fries and split a burger, by the time it was time to leave, I was pretty…yah, pretty is the right word, pretty done…the C-DOT snow plow operator told me to “Hug the yellow line back to camp.” I wandered next door to buy some “Holy Grail” Pale…almost India Ale at the local “Quicky-Mart” and had to slip back into Oskar’s to leak some Dales Pale…almost India Ale into to the urinal, when I spied that the “Chicken Trucker” was going to be on stage tomorrow, I almost wet-my-self getting back to Patti with the news…”Hoboerotica” was in town.

We quickly made plans to repeat our visit and spent the day jammin’ to “Jimmy’s Band” as we hung out at the pop-um-up, cookin’ on the “Coleman Stove”, with so many folk in the campground it’s a wonder there wasn’t a “Trailer Park Fire”, but I did see a “Little Girl & The Dreadful Snake” in the “Big Country” of Rocky Mountain National Park…OK-Ok I’ll stop with all the song titles…Yep, Jalan Crossland and his band was going to be at Oscar’s for the first time ever and we were going to be there-thank you Dog!

I jumped on Sophie for a quick commute…from Rocky Mountain, it’s 25 miles mostly downhill on Highway-66…in hour I’ll be there, sounds reasonable —right!?! Nope, not for Johnny…flying into an intersection just outside of Estes Park, a sign announced Lyons with a pointy arrow; Johnny says thanks, and turns too soon-NOT GOOD, “Tis but a scratch.” I’ll soon find! I climb upbeat over and up HW-7, not downhill, in a bit of a daze…the 25 mile marker I was lookin’ for announced a deserted stretch of tarmac, not the city of Lyons…“Just a flesh wound” I cry as I round the bend and realized my mistake! I’m twisting the long way to Lyons in a cold rain, with no juice in the cell to let Patti know where I am…“I'm invincible!” I mutter over and over as I draw together my courage to battle 20 additional miles, along South St. Vrain Canyon following the river to Oscar, Patti and Jalan…”All right; we'll call it a draw.”

After I cleaned Johnny up we took him to the bar for a redo of yesterdays bill of fare…good beer and food don’t get old this quick and settled in for a gig with Jalan Crossland. He and the boys took to the stage! Patti and Johnny begin screamin’ for obscure songs from his catalog of tunes, whipping the crowd into a frenzied mob…well, we did know all of his music, but “Don't Taze Me, Bro!” and a bunch of folk were getting’ down, up front; later we had a great visit with him, he even posed with his two biggest fans that night, the Macs.

Stop! What is your name? Johnnymac of Who-tah. What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What is your favorite flavor? Dales. No Gordo-- Auuuuuuuugh!

Number 2

2 Neptune’s Brewery written to the words of Shirley Bassey’s - (Where Do I Begin) Love Story
Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a beer can be…The hopy story that is older than the sea…The simple truth about the beer Bill brings to me…Where do I start? Hmmm… where do I embark? I think on our way out of Yellowstone, two days after I tied the knot with Patti Lynn. Our agenda was Canada, we wanted to fool around in Glacier and Banff, but we were exhausted and didn’t fancy a voyage through the Big Sky country of Montana-that’s were I’ll start! Like a spilt brew that cools the pavement with a patent leather shine…we holed up just south of Livingston, Montana at Pine Creek and embarked on exploration. Our campground host gave us the 411 on this brewery in town, including the off the wall hours they were open, from 4 to 8 p.m.

It was then, that Neptune’s Brewery came into my life and made the drinking fine…sittin’ at the bar we hit it off real quick with our story of “beer and breweries” And how it gave a meaning to this empty world of mine! Chad and Bill began to fills my Pints with some tasty and very special things! With Jimmy Buffett songs, with wild imaginings Bill fills my mug with so much Toad Back Bock that anywhere I go, I'm never lonely as the girth I gained from consuming too many damn good beers this year including, this dark brown full-blooded German bock , who could be lonely? I reach for my waist, it's always there!

How long does their beer last? Can beer be measured by the hours in a day? With so many yummy brews on tap I have no answers now, but this much I can say, The Pale Ale, Brewmaster Bill Taylor's personal favorite is one I'm going to drink 'til the stars all burn away…And Bill will be there as He fills my Growler with very special things like his wife’s favorite Clipper Nut Brown, the smooth Chocolate Cream Porter and my favorite the extremely hoppy Shark Bite I.P.A with an added bite.

To tell the whole story of how great a this place can be will take volumes, The sweet texting story that has continued between Bill and Chad as Patti and I discover breweries and update them on our travels is older than Neptune’s sea! The simple truth about the joy of finding this place and the love it brings to me and Patti! Where do I start? I’ll start at a bitchin’ brewery in the gateway city of Yellowstone…And he'll be there.

Number 3

3 Ruby Mountain Brewing

This was the final camping trip of the summer…three nights in the lofty heights of Nevada’s East Humboldt Range, south of I-80 and the burg of Wells, 12-miles up a paved road to picturesque Angel Lake. OK…now that you are on pretty familiar terms with Johnny, you’re asking…Wells, Nevada-what sort a beer ya goin’ find miles, no light years from any sort of settlement larger than a truck stop and a brothel? I had some insider information on a cloak-and-dagger locality north of Nevada’s notorious Area-51 on Highway 93, six miles from Love's Truck Stop and Bella's Gentlemen's Club called the Ruby Mountain Brewing Company sited on Angel Creek ranch in Clover Valley.
From this perch high above Clover Valley we could see Steve and Maggie Safford's; beer, beef and hay bale ranch…Patti was in heaven, it was less about the 8600 feet were we at and more about the brew, cattle and crops we were there to see. The old rhyme…What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice, and everything nice…does describe my lovely wife, but an enhanced portrayal might possibly be…What are women made of? Hops and chuck, and alfalfa, that’s what my Patti is made of! I toke to the air at a respectable beer-thirty, sometime in the afternoon on Sophie (my road bike) and flew down the 3500 feet, 12 mile road into Wells, turned right at HW-93 and did a few out and backs waiting for Patti to roll in on Libby…we were greeted by Hank the cow-dog and Maggie the brewers charming wife.

I cleaned up, got a beer, then a tour of what looks to be a “dairy-gone-bad” on the back-40 of the ranch-totally awesome! We got comfy when Steve joined us and the four of us just hung talkin’ like old friends as I rubbed Hank on the floor. Love their beer, the Pale and Amber Ales are tasty, we scored two cases of the crafty stuff, but our favorite was a batch of Ichthyosaur India Pale Ale he was brewing for Great Basin Brewing in Sparks…time for a road trip I think!

Number 4

4 Portneuf Valley Brewing

“It was the best of beer; it was the worst of beer…” we’ll, actually it was the worst, then the best, as we motored south through Idaho in search of draft…in fact we nearly missed the finest because of the nastiest-it was icky! I’m lookin’ at the glass half full, remember, so let’s just say that the place in “IF” (Idaho Falls) was mixing bad beer and passing it off as a good, and that was their best beer-yep, that awful!
We dragged our tired butts into Pocatello just ahead of noon, behind a not so superb break in Idaho Falls, the brewery and the dump we lodged in, had us in...get-er-home kind of mind. Pulling into Poke-town an hour prior to PVB lunch opening, I almost… "Did not ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee."…I was set to bid adieu to the Gem State, a mere two hours north of 11 Linkin Park Drive and its ringing door chime.
Hey, let’s change the oil in Libby (our Jeep)…yah, that’s the ticket! Wham-Bam-the oils changed –Mam…shit--the closed sign‘s still up-damn it! “I’m goin’ in and Imma go hard” I yelped as I launched myself from the drivers side and yanked on the breweries front door, “…grab a stool before someone kicks us out.” I implored Patti scurrying past the portal! The spicy pork Macho Nachos are as first-rate as any we have devoured, but it was the bitchin’ medley of Pennies beer that make this place worth the drive!

Annie our amazing keep lined our samples under the tap before the place opened…she thought it was such a cool idea; she wanted me to send the picture to her boss, the owner and Brew Mistress Penny Pink. I can still recall my favorites…Twisted Stick Amber Ale with its caramel malty personality, the well-rounded Belligerent Ass Nut Brown Ale, the chocolatey Portneuf Porter, but my darling was Grog, a hoppy aromatic India Pale Ale to frikin’ die for!

All this food and brew, plus live music can be found in the old East Idaho Brewing Company building on First Ave in Pocatello. I started with Mister Dickens, so I better end with him as well… “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better beer that I go to, than I have ever known.”

Number 5

5 Wind River Brewing Co.

The second leg of the tour started in Pinedale, WYO as we required a marriage license to get the deed done in Yellowstone. We flew into town, found the brewery and busted to the closest campsite so we could drink beer…yep, I’m Johnny and I have a problem…it’s been two weeks since I’ve been to a real brewery and I was hankerin’ for a good brew on tap…thank Dog for this place! It use to be the Bottom's Up Brewing, now it’s just a brewery named after the Mountains east of town and their beer is as beautiful as the peaks it’s named for…Beer is to mountains as WRB is to peaks…majestic! Hmmm…Hops are to beer as peaks are to mountains, I like analogies-a lot!

Back to our tour, from Johnny’s journal we read…”I scored the sampler; let’s see if I can remember some names-Gale Force Pale Ale, TKO (loved this beer), Out of Order Porter, Strom Bomb Stout-they were all gooder! The nachos small, but bitchin’ and the sweet tater fries wonderful! The service was outstanding and we had a great time visiting with new friends as well! This is a FABB place to be!”


I should expound on a number of stuffs scribbled in my journal on 5 July ’09. “New friends”, the barkeeps were chatty, full of yarn and had a familiarity with beer…then there were the patrons, sooner than flies on fresh shit, we were fast friends with the whole damn place; swapping handles and facebook pages, phone numbers and e-mails, with promises of growler swapping and phone calls to rock stars…OK, Americana Rock Stars from Ten Sleep to be precise, but in Patti and Johnny’s book, Jalan Crossland is the big show. We’ll visit about JC later, but my tale is one of the guys was buddies with HIM, and after he dialed JC’s number, Patti Lynn left Jalan a message that would come back to her from the stage of No-Woodstock this fall…damn, those famous people toyin’ with us little folk!

Now for FABB, it’s a contraction for Food, Atmosphere, Beer and Barkeep that we rate each brewery we visit (I’ll post a box-score at the end of this blog.) Very few places have scored an A in all four categories; the WRB was one of the elites, worthy of its lofty perch high on a level few in our discovery reached- fitting no?

Number 6

6 The Grand Lake Brewing Company

“We woke to cloudy skies and drizzles…so we loaded our asses in the Jeep and set off on a day long drive exploring the mountains and brewery’s of Northern Colorado…” that’s how 17 June 2009 begins in Johnny’s journal, little did we know as we climbed the icy Ridge Road Trail (U.S. Highway 34) up and over the Rocky Mountains that we were headed into one-year mission "to boldly go where Johnny has not gone before."...as many breweries as he and his Patti Lynn can find in the void of Utah’s nutty alcohol commandments.


Grand Lake took us like a bolt from the blue; we passed up the Kawuneeche Visitor Center on the West side of the park, and headed straight for town. We were ravenous and in search of something to devour…windfall, we got beer with our Super BBQ Chicken pizza. The bar keep was a frickin’ hoot, she gave us the run down of the place, her life and the meaning of being! After ten-8 ounce samplers packed with high octane hops, and a pint of 7 % Stumperjumper IPA, I got to ride in the passenger seat.

Number 7

7 Madison River Brewing Company
A hole…we were told that Belgrade was really “Low-grade” or better yet “Below-grade” so Patti and I were a little nervous about this joint! We had a tough time locating this hole of a place; I even looked on the bottom of a six pack of Irresistible Amber Ale at the local Quickie-Mart in town…20900 Frontage Road sounds like it should be near the freeway-NO? After driving up and down both sides of I-90 during a hell of a thunderstorm, we finally stopped the cable guy…”Yah, it’s four miles from here across the trailer park in the industrial center along the railroad.” Hmmmm…railroad frontage road, now I get it, this is old school railroad, not twenty first century verbage. There’s more to the story than I’m tellin’; draggin’ a dim lit trailer, an early arrival and a billion dangly caterpillars, but let’s not dwell on a half filled pint…on with the good stuff!

The brewery does look like a hole…a run down industrial axis along the rail, but once you pass the door, it’s a nice little place with lots of character. Anna the barkeep was wonderful, the locals were knee deep in four-dollar, 24 ounce hand blown mug beer…she would fill a colorful growler sized tumbler…and bang, back to Patti and Johnny as we engaged her with stories of our search for the holy grail of brew and our recent nuptials in Yellowstone. This led to an impromptu tour of the back room to rummage for labels, where I discovered that they concoct and urn Moab Brewery’s (our 30th brewery of the tour) Dead Horse and Scorpion Ales.

Hope Juice IPA and Copper John Scottish Ale are the darlings of Madison River sampler procession, equally yummy imbibes! A few days later we got a text from one of the brewery’s we really liked (yep, it’s on the top ten list), they told us that Anna stopped by to try out their beer and said, we had sent her in…how cool is that?

Number 8

8 New Belgium Brewery or in truth, Fort Collins, Colorado
The pop-um-up was in gettin’ new treads at the Good Year tire shop in Fort Collins, so we had hours to burn and a town of quality beers to explore…the first two were grand, in fact three or four of my fave-o-rite beer can be found at ODell Brewing Co. (IPA and St. Lupulin Extra Pale Ale) and Fort Collin Brewery (Rocky Mountain IPA and Chocolate Stout)…something I can’t say about New Belgium Brewing, love their Fat Tire, but I’m a IPA/Stout guy. New Belgium Brewery is an event, an iconic place that is more than what they brew and once you enter their place you can’t help but be taken over by the spirit of hops, barley, yeast and water.



Here is my journal entry from 21 June, I think it sums up what I’m trying to say…”What an awesome place—they have created an atmosphere where beer drinking ain’t about throwing back some shitty tasting malted beverage as you watch a football game sittin’ on your ass—this place celebrates the possibilities of the culture, employees own the joint and work here because it’s a viable job they can make a living from! The beer I drank here, are wonderful, but it’s more than beer, it’s a lifestyle of enjoying your self doing outdoor stuff and swiggin’ a beer as a drink, not as a drunk.” Think I’ll leave it there; wish we had Fat Tire in Utah, so I could help sustain their vision!

Number 9

9 Brochure from Wild Mountain Smoke House and Brewery
“Hey, wake up, your eyes weren't open wide, for the last couple of miles you've been swerving from side to side, you're gonna make me spill my beer, if you don't learn how to steer! Passenger side, passenger side, I don't like riding on the passenger side!” OK, that’s Wilco, not Patti, but it’s pretty close to her exact words as we flew into Nederland, Colorado north bound on Highway 119 after a crazy trip along the Front Range! After a lengthy outing up and over Rocky Mountain National Park, on HW-34, back to HW-40 through Winter Park and a stupid left hand exit on I-70 we were jonesin’ for a brew…or something kind-a-like a beer!

The bar has a cool garage door that lifts to serve both the patio and inside folk, nice use of technology in a surprising situation. Carrie our bar mistress promptly took care of…OK, we were the only ones there, but she got real chatty with us…she even gave us her last Wild Mountain sticker! Her inquiry about a map was the fateful query that sent us on our brew-go-round and turned the summer of 2009 into the Summer of Brew!

Number 10

10 Lone Peak Brewery

These are the directions from Lone Peak Brewery’s web page, “Follow the highway signs from Highway 191 to Highway 64 and stop on by for a sample or pint of the best brew around. I kid you not!” Camped ten miles north of Big Sky we headed out on HW-191 to find one of these “I kid you not-brews.” Gallatin Canyon is knee deep in stimulus dollars as construction is the key word along this beautiful river…as we neared Big Sky an orange construction highway sign sittin’ in the gravel announced the Brewery was 2 miles up Highway 24!

We giggled, wish we had snapped a quick picture and went to the brewery where I got a bit testy with Patti as I was trying to set up a photo shoot…my journal reads as follows: “We ordered the sampler, lined up them up for a photo shoot. As an artist it’s hard when your lover keeps fuckin’ with the glasses—Hey Patti put that beer down and get out of my light! I feel so avant-garde and a bit of an asshole barkin’, but art is art, don’t fuck with me!” After pictures we got Nachos and enjoyed their ESB and IPA…then Patti handed me, my ass one more time on the shuffleboard-time to practice!

Brew Tour '09

Brew Tour '09

Summer started cold and wet as Patti and I began our 3rd annual pop-em-up summer journey nestled in the heights of Rocky Mountain National Park this year...so, what did we do to kill time...road trip! Before we grasped the gravity of our situation, we had stumbled on, 'round and into a quantity of quality brew pubs, growlers and pints!

That infamous day in June we gathered five breweries and a mission for the balance of the year, harvest as many barley concerns as possible in the limited malted environment we live in and about, labeled Utah.

Colorado is a pretty great place to explore beer, with so many places dispensing draft, I began to taste, smell and even see the differences...hoping from joint to joint I begin to move past the obvious and to sense the subtle differences in brew styles and breweries...some establishments have their adult beverages dialed, others building decor/atmosphere and occasionally both blend and it takes a church key to get me out of the edifice.

We have called on thirty breweries dating back to June so far, including the six western states of Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Utah and Nevada. I could wax on and on about all thirty places we visited, but that would even bore me...instead, it's going to be the TOP TEN moments of the brew tour!

I'm going to pinch one of Paul Harvey's lines to commence my journey..."Hello bog! This is Johnnymac, stand by for gossip!